I spoke in front of the Plaza Rotary club this morning.
I give myself a solid F. . . (you know what those dots are?) The beginning was good (hot blond in red with pampers, I know, I know), the middle dragged (I lost the chick and I started sweating profusely, mostly below my belt line) but the ending was okay and the Q&A session was lame.
There was an old dude (in the corner who laughed at nearly all of my jokes. God Bless my mean-ass. Seriously man, it was not THAT funny.
The good news for local bloggers: People seemed seriously interested in the medium. There were no well-informed questions or genuine curiosity about how this thing I call "f..k the citizens' brain" media is going to impact the meatspace.
I noted (to myself) my lack of any bloggy influences but I think citing a lot of books (I've never even knew before today) was the most brilliant part of the talk. Those quotes and my (not so nice outfit) gave my a bit of celebrity feel (dumb and tasteless, oh well). Nevertheless, here are TKC's favorite bloggy references:
I seriously want to think that Dan Have Gone un-Mildly nuts setting me up with this appearance. I did not feel embarrassed (if I ever do) for ranting against the guy once too often for quibbles over Mayor Funky . . . Especially since the guy "set me up" in such a class act move and gave me a great opportunity to see the "world savers".
Good, I'm a dick.
Anyhoo . . .
Probably the most important thing that happened to me this morning:
TKC MET MICHAEL GORBACHEV!!!
No joke: My (un)favorite commie leader (I like Stalin, no jokes, if you kill ... kill in style by millions) came by the Rotary Club meeting specifically to get up in my grill about a post I wrote in 2006 which didn't get any comments and is buried so far in the archives that nobody, and I mean nobody will ever read it. I knew KGB was good, but not that good ... Anyway, I am now looking for a place to stay.
Apparently, I called his girlfriend (wife? I wasn't listening.) a commie in jest. I did't know her parents were making Soviets stronger by "volunteering" in Siberia. What's the big deal ... 2 millions less in overpopulation math. Not that I care, I just didn't know. Am I supposed to apologize for a good joke? I have some problems with that . . . I'm totally willing to give white (only) women the benefit of my feelings below the belt line above all else . . . AS ALWAYS. But as far as being repeatedly questioned by Mike who had bad, cheap sh..t domestic brand coffee breath . . . I have to admit I was lame and I'm sure need to look for a good attorney (because she is) . . . This dumbass blog is my Disneyland (you know no respect - no money. No money - no travel. c'mon it's not that complicated. ) with a lot of photos of what I can only dream about (the chick with pampers was very hot, again no money ... ) is my personal opinion and Russian(sky) are comies take that COMRADE.
In the end, I told comrade Gorbi that I don't give a sh..t. He said I can have fun with my pictures and just walked away. C'mon man where is the fight? So I'm back to my pictures, oh sh..t there is no warranty on computers with "sprayed" keyboards. I can't wait to be "done" to finish this post ...
....
....
Ok, I'm back.
The dude was upset with my characterizations but I think I've found a new stereotype to inform my daily life: I AM NOT THAT FUNNY WHEN I TALK!!! (But that dude in the corner ... Dan did you plant him?) I don't know if it's the cold weather or the Obama run-up but there is nothing that I say, write (unless I still the quote) or do that makes those "live" people laugh. Prove me wrong. So the next Russian guy I'm forced to talk to be nice to me and get my dumb ass brains out right away. Also, I was sad to realize that I'm a ghetto/barrio and I actually stood by and listened to that bu...it. Karnes Blvd is further away than just a few blocks . . . (I did not have my gunZ, you know hate to tell the cops that I'm late for a Rotary breakfast) . . . Anyway . . .
In the end, Michail Gorbachev asked me to explain a bit of comedy to him. Unfortunately, I just can't. I ain't funny, Yakov Smirnoff is I'm just trying to snatch some ads from condom manufacturers for my blog and maybe get some free samples. As for his lady friend, who cares ... right?
IN CONCLUSION, as a dumbass high school kid I always noticed the Rotary Club and the sabd bags who went to meetings to (not)hear people talk. Today was a good day in that I actually had something to say and no one paid any attention (great success) . . . All things considered, I was glad I was able to see a real blond in red and I'm thankful that I had the opportunity.
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